We walked straight to the back so I could let the dogs out."Is it bad that I feel nothing?" I asked as we walked through the dead leaves and branches."Not really," Ray shrugged. "He knew the consequences, it's not like he was innocent." Exactly!" I nodded. Maybe it was me trying to make excuses or reasons for not feeling anything at all.We walked in silence as we watched the dogs run back and forth. I smiled as I looked at them. "That feeling is gone," I said, looking at Ray."Because you know. Steff had never seen me without the beard and she had never seen me with hair that wasn't worn long in the Seventies hippie style although I did shorten it up some as I grew older. I had the beard when I met her and I had never shaved it off. I decided to make a few other changes, show up at her party, wait until I could catch her under the mistletoe and then give her a passionate kiss. She wouldn't know who I was until our lips met and no one else there would know it was me either. I smiled as. "Okay sweetie I didn't want to scare my favorite little girl with the soundsof the clippers okay sweetie?"I relax more hearing the hairstylist letting me know what she is doing andher saying she is not cutting any length off. I feel the clippers on thelower part of the back of my head as she is using the clippers going up alittle ways then back down. I watch as she stands back comparing the sideswith the back and then her buzzing some more as she works her way around tothe other side of my. ”“No I’m not, not half.”It poured out, “My daddy cooked meth and sold it to a biker gang, when they came; I was in the bedroom, I couldn’t see but I could hear. They had a hellava argument, accused daddy of shorting them; daddy musta reached for his gun ‘cause I heard one of them scream at him, put the Goddamned gun down then there was two shots. I was climbin’ out the window, one of they said, fuck, he’s dead, let’s get out of here. They came out the front door, I was almost to the woods when.
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